I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
