did you get engaged???
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
