Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
