i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
