he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
