How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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