Small penises have feelings too.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
