I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
