I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
