I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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