Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
