When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
