Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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