How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
