I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
