I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
