I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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