he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
