So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
