I wish I only lived at night.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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