So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
