What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
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