I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
