i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Welp...herpes.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
