It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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