i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
