i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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