Dual....:-)
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You have to summon your inner elephant
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
