Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
