So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
