I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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