Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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