Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
