I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
