Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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