yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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