My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
