I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
