1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
