3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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