i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
