you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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