Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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