you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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