Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
