I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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