All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I have feelings that need drinking.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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