hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
