Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Randomize
