so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
