I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
