Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
